Barking

I was reading about the kerfuffle in Edinburgh the other day and I couldn't help noticing the name Lord Monckton, who was apparently somewhat discomforted when another gentleman

allegedly emptied a can of Coca-Cola over Lord Monckton's head and was immediately arrested.

Could you actually do that, I wondered? It take ages to actually empty a tin. But to keep somewhere near the point just for the moment, why should I be interested in UKIP's only member, more than likely leader in Scotland?

I knew I'd seen the name somewhere before. But where could it have been?

Well, let's tick off the boxes. Money, a hereditary peerage, a liking for junk science, aspirations to the House of Lords, an interest in heraldry, climate change denial and barking-right views on a variety of subjects.

So, given that it's a small world when you move in certain circles -

- to whose table do you imagine this might be leading?

Ah yes, Lord Pearson. Well, assuming that, over the course of a no doubt agreeable lunch, nobody discussed the question of expenses-fiddling (an area in which Ray has some experience) what did the company talk about?

Do what?

Fantastic. Just like the old days, except with "down boy!" and "heel!" standing in for yoghurts, mangoes and marinated quails' eggs.

But what breeds, I wonder, are our UKIPers going to favour for the game? Alsatians? Boxers?

Will Ray be re-enacting Morphy?

Any chance of getting it on the telly?

And while most of us can spot one of Ray's little jokes when we see one, are we sure his chums can always tell the difference between parody and reality?

[Ray Keene index]